November 29th, 2003

Current Music: Up m smoke-The movie Subject: Ce La Ve Time: 09:53 pm Current Mood: disappointed

Today is my last day, writing in this journal. This last month has been a very messy month for me. No need to prolong the agony.

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November 21st, 2003

Current Music: Temptations-My girl Subject: Somethings should just be kept to yourself. Time: 10:27 am Current Mood: content

Ignorant little 18-year-olds should grow up. Learn to sit back look at the situation with your eyes open and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

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November 20th, 2003

Current Music: Stained-So far away Subject: Men are so predictable! Time: 12:50 pm Current Mood: hungry

I really love living with my grandmother. We are so much alike in many ways. From the time I turned 1 month old my grandmother came over to my parents home and packed up all my things and took me to her home for 2 weeks. Ever since then I have gone to my grandmother's house every couple of months and spent time with her. I really enjoy it. I'm taking my grandmother out to eat Friday night. Saturday I'm headed over to my parent's home to (talk) to my mother. Oh joy! After a couple of hours of (talking) I'm headed over to the mall to get my hair cut. I've gone way to long for a trim, so I'm going to have it restyled. I can't wait. Later on if I have time I'll probably stop by James house for dinner. busy busy busy weekend.

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November 19th, 2003

Current Music: ACDC-Shook me all night long Subject: I look like a football player now. Time: 09:02 am

My eye is almost healed. I have one blue-purple stripe right under my eye. I cant wait to wear make-up again. Anyway my uncle came over last night to my grandmother's and I had to rehash the ugly tale(for his benefit). My grandmother and I ended up making dinner taco's and taquitos. They were so yummy, and we all sat around the table talking for quite some time. We then gravitated towards the living room and watched a JFK documentary, and debated on who really shot our beloved president. My grandmother and I started talking and my uncle took off with Taylor they came back with hot fudge sundaes for us and choclate malt's for the both of them. All in all it was a good night.

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November 18th, 2003

Subject: Famous last words-Dont worry be happy Time: 12:26 pm

So Saturday , I'm headed back up to my parents house to hash things out. I got a call from my dad, and he really wants me to work things out with my mother. The thing is I can aplogize over and over but it won't change the way I feel about her. I truly honestly hate her and my sister Breanna right now. I think there would come a time where I would be able to hold a conversation with Mrs. Catalina Marquez but ultimatley the bonds between my sister and I have been broken permanently. There will be no trying to make ammends EVER. She just fucked up way to much with me in my opinion. Today however maybe talking with (him) will help me out . Maybe.

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November 17th, 2003

Subject: Family-Bah! Time: 09:15 am Current Mood: pissed off

This has been the year from HELL! I should have known not to move back in with my parents last year! My mother and I have some-what of an decent relationship(when I dont live with her)but since I moved back in with my parents, things have just gone down hill. October 30th my grandfather died, and I wasn't able to make the funeral. One I couln't afford it and two I couldn't get the time off from work bieng that our corporate personel was here for the week. My mother didnt seem to understand this when she got home Monday night. Monday 11-10-03 I got home and found that 2 of my cd's were mising off . From my sister Breanna's room I could hear my cd(or a copy of it)playin from her room. So I went to her room opened the door and asked her for my cd. She said she didnt have my cd and that I needed to get out immediatly. I should have but I was mad and bieng that my foot was lodged in the doorway I asked for it again. She then proceded to try and shove me out and when that didnt work reach back and planted her fist in my face. We ended up fighting in the hall with her punching me over and over again and me blocking with one hand and the other in her hair trying to get her the hell off me. We stopped fighting and I went to get and ice pack for my face I sat on the couch for awhile and then put my son in the tub for a bath. Part 2 About an hour passed and I heard the front door starting to turn, I got up and went to let my mother in. She has been in El Paso with her family for a month, helping them get though my grandfather's death. First thing outta my mouth was "Hi mom" her response "What's wrong with you?" and "What's your problem?" My response "What are you talking about?" Her reaction planting her fist in my face. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY FAMILY! She got in my face about not attending the funeral , and how I could make time too drive out to El Paso 3 years ago and screw my boyfriend, but that I couldn't make time to attend the funeral. ??????? We yelled at each other about how I couldn't make the funeral and even though she thinks I could have driven out there Friday night after working a 40 hour week stayed Saturday and driven back on Sunday in time for work on Monday. She doesnt know how ridiculous that sounds obviosly. Finally after hearing her yell at me on and on about not going and what a disgrace I am to the family and how something 3 years ago has everthing to do with this situation I grabbed a ziploc full of cheese and threw it down on the counter and yelled "DAMMIT MOM STOP!" She said "Dont you ever throw anything at me !" ???? "I didn't throw anything at you, I threw it on the counter?" My mother came after me grabbed me by my hair and started down the hall towards the fron door yelling " I WANT YOU OUT NOW YOU GET OUTTA HEAR TILL YOU CALM DOWN!" I grabbed on to anything I could get my hands on to keep her from thowing me out the front door. My sister Breanna came flying out from her room and helped my mom out by grabing a fist-ful of my hair and me and they both grabbed me and litterally trew me outside where I landed on my left-side on the brick walk-way. I got up and yelled and banged on the the door for my mother to let me get my son out. My sister yelled "He's better off without you now get out before I come out there and kick your ass again!" When I wouldnt stop yelling my mother opened the door while she got Taylor out of the tub and let my dress him . I then picked him up and walked out. My son was hysterical he had just seen his mother get beat by his grandmother and aunt. I have been staying with a friend of mine since that night. I was sent home Tuesday after showing up to work with the left side of my face and body black, blue and purple. A week later my face has gone back to it's normal shape and my black eye is fading. I still can't believe this happened.

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November 13th, 2003

Current Music: Offspring-Hit me Subject: Fish are freinds not food! Time: 11:48 am Current Mood: numb

My weekend was okay nothing to brag about. Spent Saturday at my grandmother's . We went shopping for my son. He has yet outgrown shoes, pants, shirts and jackets. What a pain! Not that I mind him growing........he just does it too often! Well when it comes to hieght at least he wont take after his parents. We were deprived when it came to the hieght gene pool. My hieght 5'1 His dad's hieght maybe 5'5. Good thing Taylor has decided to take after his grandfather and uncle. Anyway Taylor made out with Buzz Lightyear shoes and four long sleeve'd shirts. I made out with my birthday present which is a very nice green wool sweater. I picked it out. Sunday My dad , myself and two of my sister's argued about clothes, personality differences and hating your sister while your proclaiming to be a christian. Nothing was resolved. So I went on with my day of making 4 boxes of hamburger helper(YUCK!)doing laundry and getting ready for work the next day. Not to bad , not the best weekend but it didnt suck to bad.

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November 7th, 2003

Current Music: Oh I wish I was an oscar-meyer wiener Subject: Can I go home now? Time: 02:09 pm Current Mood: working

Im so glad it's friday. I dont think I could stand it if I needed to be hear for one more day. My boss has left for the races so it is up to us girls to finish up and make sure the driver's have there runs for Monday. Yeah. I meant that sarcastically.........Oh well by the time I get off I'll have the privalage of sitting in rush hour traffic. But then again I also have 2 whole days to do nothing but what I want. Thank God!

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November 6th, 2003

Current Music: My 80lbs co-worker who wont shut up Subject: Dear Latisha, Time: 11:41 am Current Mood: mellow

Its a journal. I write what is going on in my life. I'm not making myself look like anything. I'm writing what I felt at the time, and how I saw the situation. I'm writing from my point of view, not your's. That's why it's called Tarra's journal. You know I find it hard to believe that your even bringing up the fact that I write publically about my problems, when you yourself have said " My 24 year old sister acts more like her 4 year old son than an adult." But anyways if I would have told you that "No Latisha I dont have the money to pay for your tattoo." You would have been all of the above mad, disapointed and you wouldnt have talked to me for a couple of days. Because thats how you are. But I agree'd, because I wanted to get you one. And even if I had to wait till I recieved my tax return for the one you wanted I would have done it. Latisha you know how much I make, you know how much I pay in babysitting and you also know how much I pay in rent. Why would you possibly think I could afford a $100.00 tattoo. Hell if I could afford it why the hell haven't I gotten mine! And no I wasnt broke that day. Yes dad gave me a $100.00 for myself. I would have loved to have spend it on very needed clothes. And after you not talking to me for(I dont know how long) why did I want to fork it over right then and there. I didnt. I tried talking to you many times after you took off from (Art Junkies) but you didnt want to , you kept brushing me off, giving me the cold shoulder. So after you not talking to me for how long, Im going to want plunk down $50.00 for you. I think not. You talk about no one pulling my leg? Hello who kept saying "I really want to get it tonight, come'on he has an opening." Push push push when it's about you thats all you do push until they give in. I didnt want dad to get mad and after having such an awesome day with ALL of you, I fork it over cause 1. I dont want dad to get mad at me (he didnt know the whole story) 2. I really wanted us to be the way it used to be. So yes I was mad that night and the next morning. And I'm still pissed off about it! What I came in your room for was the $20.00 you owed me. I figured get the money , she how she is doing and get the hell outta there. I want to try and get along with her and I dont need to start arguing agian. The fact that you dont believe that I was stuck at grandma's house is stupid . South bound on 15 was open north bound was not. I watched the news all day. I wanted to get home, I did not want to lose a really good babysitter(Brenda) and I did not have any more clothes. You said you were going to register at Devry and be back in a couple of hours. You didnt call me till 8 freaking 30! I was stuck with Erin that whole time! I told you to take her back before you went, and you didnt. So I had Mary calling me telling that I HAD to keep her till Friday, and that No Dave was not going to pick her up! Dont tell me I had no reason to be pissed off. Your responsability was to take care of Erin , that wasnt mine! The least you could have done was call me when a couple of hours had gone by , that way I could have called earlier in the day and had them pick her up. So go ahead go ask all of our family to tell you all of my faults, thats something only you would do. And if you are a prime example of my behavior, then why the hell are you bringing this up. It sounds like you hate the way I act so why would you want to do anything like me?

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November 5th, 2003

Current Music: Chis Issak-Wicked Game Subject: Yawn..... Time: 11:33 am Current Mood: calm

My sister Latisha and I used to have such a good relationship, We used to go out all the time laugh at the stupidest things etc.etc.etc. Well things have somewhat spiraled in the last couple of months. For her birthday, I decided to get her speakers for her car, she asked me to pay for her to get a tatoo. Now I have no objection's to her getting them(I have two myself) , but those can get expensive and my making considerably less than what I used to does'nt help. So being the sister that I am . I agree. For the next cople of weeks afterwards she is downloading images, checking prices, so on and so forth. Well she asked me o go with her and check out this shop called Tattoo Junkies. Nice place, clean, and they wanted $115.00, for the size and image she wanted. I was planning on spending around $50.00 for her, when she nonchalantly turned to me and said "How about you pay $100.00 and I'll cover the rest. I looked at her like (WHAT!) I said " Lathisha I cant afford that right now". So she walks out the door and leaves. I tried getting her to talk to me when we got home but she turns her back to me and tells me she doesnt want to talk about it. So for next couple of weeks she doesnt talk to me and turns to my other sister Breanna and they start hanging out. Little by little she starts talking to me and then about 2 Fridays ago we all call in because of the fires, and she brings up the subject in front of my dad. So after one of the best days I've spent with my dad in a long ass time, we head to Tattoo Junkies, and she wants to get her tattoo right then and there. After embarresing me by walking out the first time , not talking to me for weeks, she just wants to plunk down the dough and be happy for her, and well since my dad is there I hand it over and leave(literally). Well for about 2 days she was her old self again. Then she droppes the ball again by picking up my niece ,leaving her there with me and taking off to hang out with her friends. I have had it. There was a time when I would have done anything for her, anything . No longer, she is rude, she does not take care of her responsability's and she takes advantage of people. When she needs something she will be your best freind. When you no longer get her those things she wants nothing to do with you. So Ce La Ve.

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November 4th, 2003

Current Music: Jennifer-humming Johnny angel Subject: I wish I had brought a pillow. Time: 11:05 am Current Mood: tired

What would co-workers think of me, if I walked through the door with my coffee cup in one hand and my pillow in the other? Im so tired! I cant seem to keep my eyes semi-open. 10:22am and 6 and a half freaking more hours to go.........AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I need another vacation. :)

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October 31st, 2003

Current Music: DVD -The Hulk Subject: How sad! Time: 07:47 pm Current Mood: sad

I have had about the worst week ever. The fires have caused me to loose 3 days on my paycheck. GGGGGRRRRR, also on my way out the door I received a phone call that has literally rocked my world. My grandfather was diagnosed with cancer over a year ago and now he is gone. At 5:15am he took his last breath. My grandfather was like no ordinary person. He was the kindest most patient person I have ever known. I remember spending summer's at my grandparents home. My grandmother always the type of person to say finish your dinner, brush your teeth before bed, don't do this and don't do that. While my grandfather would take early morning walks with us showing us the birds, and showing by example how to be a good smaritan. He would bring home 5 gallon buckets of ice cream for the many grandchildren, and have all of us eating ice cream cones swinging with him on the front porch swing(witch still is thier to this day). My son has been able to experience the kindness of him also, I remember the pressure of being a single mom especially on one certain day when I felt like I couldn't possibly take my son's colicky cries anymore . My grandfather then took my son in his arms and started talking to him in the most softest of voices. My son stopped crying and would look into his eyes as if he understood everything he was being told. My son has had the opportunity to go over for a couple of days at a time and spend time with all the great grandchildren and swing on the ancient swing, walk with my grandfather at petting zoo's and have breakfast with him . What a great man , and what a priviledge I have had to have gotten to know him. My heart breaks at the thought of going to my grandparents home and not seeing him. I am not only grieving for my grandfather, I am also grieving for my grandmother who has lost a lover, friend and companion. Also my mother who had to be pried from my grandfather's arms as the ambulance came to take away his body , I ache for the aunts and uncle's who have sat with him endlessly to ease the pain filled nights, and I ache for my son who does know yet what the term died means. What a painful day it will be when he fully comprehends that term.

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October 28th, 2003

Current Music: Rape me -Nirvana Subject: The roof, The roof, The roof is on fire, we dont need no water ......... Time: 10:47 am Current Mood: nauseated

The fires are really getting to me........I smell like smoke, and my throat feels like its on fire, I feel like I'm gonna puke! Blegh. 6 days of fires, red fog, my car is covered with ash and my bats in the cave have turned black! What madness! However, Saturday was a blast! Went out to dinner with my grandmother, then drove to Los Angelas Greek Theatre, to see Mariachi Festival. It was great although I've never in my life seen so many mexicans. I'm spanish, so I'm able to blend really well. My grandmother and I payed $21.00 for 2(count'em)24oz beers.........What a rip off! I really need to buy a flask! But I still had a good time. Sunday I found out all routs home were shut down , so I opted to shop in Commerce instead. Bought panties, pants and a smoothie. Monday was spent taking my grandmother to the hospital for an MRI. Not a good expirence......we are waiting on the results. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Monday night I met James at Dave and Buster's to get an update on the fires(and freeways)and from there I headed home! What a freaking looooooooooooooong ass weekend. :) Tuesday, made it to work after missing 3 days(my paycheck is going to suck)and I just found out the freeways have yet again been shut down ARGgggggg!

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October 24th, 2003

Current Music: A London home video Subject: Pour me another one.... Time: 09:08 pm Current Mood: aggravated

Im done venting I feel better now. I'll just our myself another one and kick back and relax. After all tomorrow is another day. An evening in LA (dinner, concert)it shouldnt be too bad..........

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October 22nd, 2003

Current Music: Led Zepplin Subject: McDonalds really puts too much mayo on there chicken sandwiches! Time: 03:03 pm Current Mood: full

My mother has left for Texas! Hurray! She left to be with my grandfather who's dying......not a good thing , but it allowed her to be gone for an indefinite period of time. Another thing, she pissed my dad off royally, when she took off in his brand new Civic. This means when she comes home I will make it a point to be gone for at least a couple of days. I spent the morning consoling him, and was requested by his highness to stay home from work :) and be here when our brand new washer and dryer arrive! Finally I get to do laundry at home! P.s Been talking to 3 different men, setting up dates is a bitch! I'll have hell to pay when I get caught!

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October 21st, 2003

Current Music: YMCA! It's fun to stay at the YMCA! That song is in my head Subject: Could I possibly be more bored? Time: 02:28 pm Current Mood: bored

This weekend was good. Saturday I detailed my car, and went to Erika's house to do some laundry. Our washer is broken "Oh the horror"! It was okay though this allowed me to spend some time with her, and I've found out that she isnt all that bad. Oh her husband can be extremly annoying at times but can be tolerated. So I spent three hours washing mine and my son's laundry. I have figured that it is pointless to buy Taylor white clothing, because everytime I wash clothes, Taylor's stuff look's like he has been through World War 3 and back and its nearly impossible to get all the(stuff)out(nearly). Anyway enough about laundry back to my weekend. Sunday was spent in West Covina at my grandma Lily's. I love spending time with her, so much that im going back down there this Saturday, and we are going to a marriachi festival at the Greek Theatre. The last time I was there, I saw Jeff Beck and B.B King live. I cant even begin to put into words how awesome that was . To make an extemly long story even longer, Monday passed with a fight between my co-worker. We battled and finally and came to the desicion that we both extremly hate each other gut's eternally! Today is Tuesday "duh" and im bored as hell! No music, Im working my ass off (hah) blah blah blah.........

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October 17th, 2003

Current Music: Nothing! Someone stole our damn radio! Subject: Shoot me now please! Time: 04:28 pm Current Mood: thirsty

It should be illegal, to say phrase's like "I gotta bounce", "What you want foo?!", and "Im gonna go hang with my peeps" to name a few. If youre white and caught saying these phrases, you should automatically be blown to pieces! This is the kind of language, I hear on a daily basis. I am so tired of working with 80lbs 21 year olds whose whole life revolves around clubbing, going to starbucks to check out guys, and talking to everyone around them just to hear the sound of there own voice . SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW!

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October 16th, 2003

Current Music: Oingo Biongo-I want to make violent love to you Subject: Hey lets go have a beer!? Time: 03:47 pm Current Mood: naughty

Shoot...... dont offer me A beer, I need a case after the day Im having! P.s How many beers to make a beer belly?

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October 15th, 2003

Current Music: Standing in line-Red Hot Chili Peppers Subject: Thoughts for the day Time: 03:03 pm Current Mood: amused

1. If i was to pull up on my emergency brake doing 80mph on the freeway....what would really happen? 2. If I pulled my hand back and planted my fist in my coworkers face......would my boss consider firing me? 3. Does it really take the guy in front of me(at the atm machine)15 minutes to withdraw........or is he pissing me off on purpose? Just random thoughts thrown about in the attic up there.

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October 14th, 2003

Current Music: Godsmack-Serenity Subject: I really hate working here! Time: 04:29 pm Current Mood: irritated

Im at work. I feel like the viens in my neck are going to pop! If she gets in my face one more time im going to reach way back and plant my fist in her face! Okay I'm done venting. For now. I really hate her, hate is to nice a word........I loathe her, I mean really really loathe her. I hope she lives FOREVER! So many things have changed since last I wrote(typed). Some for the better, thought not all. I got a new car yeah! 2002 Ford Focus(silver). It reminds me of an alien spaceship inside, bubble vents, flat buttons , large windshield. New car has been the third goal i have reached this year. When i moved back into my parents house i told myself i HAD to acomplish a couple of things(couple means many to me)One being pay off my many debts-DONE-stay at this job for a year-DONE-get a new car-DONE-get a new job-working on it-move out of my parents house-new job has to come first. Three outta five isnt to bad(in my opinion). Anywhooo, I just got back into sunny Cal-if-or-nia, I've been in El Paso Texas, for about 5 days , visiting familia. It was a nice change. Lets see what else is new.........I've gone on a couple of dates, nothing to brag about, but what else is new?! Im planning a trip to Vegas, in a couple of weeks, kinda of a Happy Birthday to myself. 25 IM GETTING SO OLD! Oh well. Well now that I've wasted about an hour on Uncle Sams time......I'm off!

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